Heart > Brain?

I told myself never to let my heart rule over my head again but it seems that history is repeating itself... Le sigh... JC life is getting busier and busier and thus such things should not happen! It has already gone wrong 3 times and the next has to be right... Maybe I'm still young... oh fucking hell who am I kidding? 16 years and 3 months have passed and I'm no longer young. The life of a childish teenager is coming to an end. Oh and I've experienced the lies that a good friend could say right into your face. Not to be thick skin, but sometimes I'm just too nice to people. Ugh, the selfishness of humanity. Such an ugly sight. I should just bang my head against the wall and let those unhappy memories wash away and let myself live again. A fresh start.

Judge? Hate?

Hatred. I've never felt this much amount of hatred before. I can't stand anything of his. People tell me to be generous, forget about the past and move on. But how can someone forgive and forget that many times? My conscience pricks me whenever I imagine the hurtful sentences that I'm capable of speaking to or about him. Yes, I may hate somebody to the core but it doesn't give me the rights to completely destroy them or their ego. Then again, he destroyed what I held in my heart, what I believed. So shouldn't I do the same? Like they said "an eye for an eye" . Maybe it was unintenional but who am i to judge him? But the moment I saw that conversation, his intentions were clear. First, you cut off all connections and then you did things that were unforgivable. I'm in no place to criticise but you have no idea how much damage was done. Sigh, and I thought you were nice and trustworthy.

Secret.

Why does this have to be secret?

Am I that unworthy to be known?

Maybe I'm just paraniod.

Tell me that it's why I'm thinking so much.

I HATE THIS.

Lies,

I change, you change, everyone changes. Sometimes I think i'm very naive and gullible. Whenever I choose to believe someone, it just comes the other way around. You lie, you treat me like I don't exist. Yeah, feels great isn't it? My feelings are like one roller coaster ride. Once bitten, twice shy. I make myself get bitten one too many times. The scars that leaves behind makes it hard to get rid of. Well, it's a scar, HOW THE HELL DO YOU GET RID OF IT?! The imprints of hurt and betrayal seems overwhelming and painful. Yeah, ITS HURTS.

Like seriously?

Every time I asked if you were okay with it, you said you were fine.

SO NOW YOU ARE BLAMING ME FOR NOT GIVING YOU FREEDOM? LIKE SERIOUSLY?

GET A LIFE.

Hurt.

Whats hurts the most is to find out that your close friends have been hiding things from you.

What hurts even more is to be doing the same thing, just to get even, and you becoming just like them.